Today started out terribly. I sat down to a couple 2/4 tables and the carnage began. I started off by getting into a pretty sizeable pot against a very aggressive player. I had top pair and had the sense to check the river behind. He had a set. I then go involved in another hand with him and 3 other players. In this hand I called prf on the button behind him with 66. The flop was A 8 6 with two hearts. Bink. Myself and the aggro player ended up getting in on the flop and he had 88. Sonofa....he left shortly after. I then got top two in against bottom set, had to fold QQ on a T 9 x board to a check/raise, etc. It was a pretty shitty hour of poker. I found myself down two buyins ($800) pretty quickly and left before any sort of tilt set in.
I dicked around for a few hours until things got quiet around the house, then fired up UB once again. The 2/4 and 3/6 games weren't really active, in fact there wasn't one 3/6 game going. I looked up at the 5/10 and saw some sick juicy action games with players (donkeys) I recognized from 2/4. Well that settles it. 5/10 it is. I sat down and within the first 30 minutes had doubled on a table with KK against QQ. Tough luck for the other guy. I stayed pretty stagnant the rest of the session and never was up or down anymore than $200 from my original double up on both tables combined. The games started getting more solid as the donkeys left so I decided to step back down to my normal stakes as I don't really want to play 5/10 SH against solid players when there are so many better games to play. I ended up doing pretty well on both my 2/4 and 3/6 tables and ended up $700 total for the day after the $800 loss earlier. Pretty pleased with my tilt control and overall demeanor.
There was one very interesting hand and I honestly didn't really know what the right play would be. Would like to hear comments on this one.
Care2Tango is at seat 0 with $1034.
jmxthievez1 is at seat 1 with $1549.75.
Killer_O is at seat 2 with $200.
lvnoffsklskyb is at seat 3 with $2411.
Gookman is at seat 4 with $3260.75.
feelnlucky is at seat 5 with $985.
The button is at seat 5.
Care2Tango posts the small blind of $5.
jmxthievez1 posts the big blind of $10.
Care2Tango: -- --
jmxthievez1: -- --
lvnoffsklskyb: Td Qd
Gookman: -- --
feelnlucky: -- --
Pre-flop:
lvnoffsklskyb raises to $35.
Gookman calls.
feelnlucky folds.
Care2Tango folds.
jmxthievez1calls.
Flop (board: Qs 6s 4h):
jmxthievez1 checks.
lvnoffsklskyb bets $85.
Gookmancalls.
jmxthievez1 calls.
Turn (board: Qs 6s 4h Jd):
jmxthievez1 checks.
lvnoffsklskyb bets $225.
Gookman folds.
jmxthievez1 goes all-in for $1429.75.
lvnoffsklskyb folds.
jmxthievez1 is returned$1204.75 (uncalled).
I think overall this is a pretty conservative fold honestly. I didn't have a ton of info on jmx tho so I wasn't very sure as to what he would do this with. It sure does look like a combo draw of some sort though. I mean, what Q would he do this with besides QJ? He called prf, then called the flop after a bet and a call from a huge calling station (gookman). I highly doubt he has a set or KQ/AQ here. QJ was really the only Q I could think he would logically have, but sometimes these games are so nuts you see some sort of retarded 46s hand or something. I decided to wait for a better spot as I hadn't really seen jmx get out of line a lot. I don't know. I actually think looking at this in hindsight this is a call. I can't really see what he has that beats me here, but in the heat of the moment I guess I was thinking, "Im not playing such a huge pot against such a massive check/shove here with QT. Meh. Still not sure.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
A New Day
Today went very well I'm happy to say (minus one incident I'll get into later). I ended up $2,600 on the cash tables at UB playing 3/6. The games are very soft there and I really enjoy playing at UB. The only thing I really have a problem with there is the hand histories. They're very hard to check after the hand while you're playing a couple tables and I wish they would fix that.
I had a couple interesting hands today with one hand kind of confusing me as to the best play. Here it is:
lvnoffsklskyb is at seat 1 with $2219.15.
D_Blake is at seat 2 with $962.60.
BluHorseshoe is at seat 3 with $692.
The button is at seat 1.
D_Blake posts the small blind of $3.
BluHorseshoe posts the big blind of $6.
lvnoffsklskyb: Jc Js
D_Blake: -- --
BluHorseshoe: -- --
Pre-flop:
lvnoffsklskyb raises to $21.
D_Blake calls.
BluHorseshoe folds.
Flop (board: 3c 3s 5c):
D_Blake checks.
lvnoffsklskyb bets $34.50.
D_Blakeraises to $120.
lvnoffsklskyb calls.
Turn (board: 3c 3s 5c 8h):
D_Blake bets $399.
lvnoffsklskyb folds.
D_Blake isreturned $399 (uncalled).
Now, this may seem like an odd fold at first glance and to be honest I'm still not 100% sure about it. But in poker you're really never 100% sure about anything, so I'm OK with that. We are of course only concerned about long term profit and what the best play will be over the long haul. Now my read on this guy was that he was pretty much a loose cannon pre-flop, however, once the flop came out and he got action, he wasn't messing around. If he was playing a big pot, he had a hand. On this hand, he check/raised the flop, then overbet the turn. I will concede that there are definitely hands in his range he would do this with that I beat, but based on my read of his post-flop play and given the fact that I had no FE and no chance of keeping the pot small, I decided to let it go. I think he shows up here with a better hand a lot and I think that even if I had him he probably had a lot of outs to beat me. I think at worst here he has probably 99 or a flush draw that possibly paired on the flop or turn. Not to mention the fact that this guy also calls raise pre-flop OOP with big hands occasionally so we can't rule out QQ+. I'll look at it more in depth later and I suspect that if I plugged it into pokerstove I would have a good amount of equity in this situation, but I think that my fold is correct given my read. Would love to hear opinions on it.
My mishap of the day occured this afternoon. I was playing two seperate tables on UB and had KQs on one and AQo on another. I re-raised both pre-flop from the small blind against pretty aggressive players that raised in LP. Both players on both tables called. On one table the flop was all rags, something like 7 5 2 and I led out. I was called and the turn was an ace which was a money card for me because this guy was stacking off weak aces like it was his job and I was fully convinced he would call me here with bare ace high. I led again and he insta-shoved. I pretty much beat him into the pot and the river was a Q. He showed AK and I was thinking, "wow he had a hand, unlucky for him" as the pot slid his way. I quickly checked the board for flushes and saw none, so obviously I was now a bit annoyed at the pot sliding to him. I then looked at my other table and saw AQ on my monitor. Fuck. I just called an all in on the turn for an $1,800 pot with K high. Bah. Moral of the story: look at your cards before calling an all in. :)
I had a couple interesting hands today with one hand kind of confusing me as to the best play. Here it is:
lvnoffsklskyb is at seat 1 with $2219.15.
D_Blake is at seat 2 with $962.60.
BluHorseshoe is at seat 3 with $692.
The button is at seat 1.
D_Blake posts the small blind of $3.
BluHorseshoe posts the big blind of $6.
lvnoffsklskyb: Jc Js
D_Blake: -- --
BluHorseshoe: -- --
Pre-flop:
lvnoffsklskyb raises to $21.
D_Blake calls.
BluHorseshoe folds.
Flop (board: 3c 3s 5c):
D_Blake checks.
lvnoffsklskyb bets $34.50.
D_Blakeraises to $120.
lvnoffsklskyb calls.
Turn (board: 3c 3s 5c 8h):
D_Blake bets $399.
lvnoffsklskyb folds.
D_Blake isreturned $399 (uncalled).
Now, this may seem like an odd fold at first glance and to be honest I'm still not 100% sure about it. But in poker you're really never 100% sure about anything, so I'm OK with that. We are of course only concerned about long term profit and what the best play will be over the long haul. Now my read on this guy was that he was pretty much a loose cannon pre-flop, however, once the flop came out and he got action, he wasn't messing around. If he was playing a big pot, he had a hand. On this hand, he check/raised the flop, then overbet the turn. I will concede that there are definitely hands in his range he would do this with that I beat, but based on my read of his post-flop play and given the fact that I had no FE and no chance of keeping the pot small, I decided to let it go. I think he shows up here with a better hand a lot and I think that even if I had him he probably had a lot of outs to beat me. I think at worst here he has probably 99 or a flush draw that possibly paired on the flop or turn. Not to mention the fact that this guy also calls raise pre-flop OOP with big hands occasionally so we can't rule out QQ+. I'll look at it more in depth later and I suspect that if I plugged it into pokerstove I would have a good amount of equity in this situation, but I think that my fold is correct given my read. Would love to hear opinions on it.
My mishap of the day occured this afternoon. I was playing two seperate tables on UB and had KQs on one and AQo on another. I re-raised both pre-flop from the small blind against pretty aggressive players that raised in LP. Both players on both tables called. On one table the flop was all rags, something like 7 5 2 and I led out. I was called and the turn was an ace which was a money card for me because this guy was stacking off weak aces like it was his job and I was fully convinced he would call me here with bare ace high. I led again and he insta-shoved. I pretty much beat him into the pot and the river was a Q. He showed AK and I was thinking, "wow he had a hand, unlucky for him" as the pot slid his way. I quickly checked the board for flushes and saw none, so obviously I was now a bit annoyed at the pot sliding to him. I then looked at my other table and saw AQ on my monitor. Fuck. I just called an all in on the turn for an $1,800 pot with K high. Bah. Moral of the story: look at your cards before calling an all in. :)
Sunday, August 5, 2007
A Disappointment and a Setback
Played my first session in a few days last night...drunk. Yesterday was my birthday so my wife and I went to the live games to hang out and have a good time. She actually ended up crushing it over there for like $700. I won about $150 myself then came home and like an idiot signed on to my account.
It's not like when Im drunk I just play out of my mind or do these crazy things (usually) and just mindlessly donk off money. It's more that if things aren't going well I tilt easily and play real fast without much thought to the hand or past history, etc. The damage wasn't too bad, but it was a couple thousand dollar setback and that annoys me. Some of the hands really were gross though and I ran very poorly. I played a guy 5/10 HU on UB and some of the shit he was hitting was amazing. I flopped two pair on an A high flop, he called me down with a bare pair of 4's (he had 44) and hit a running flush. Then he called a big c/r on the flop with a bare pair of 8's (he had 88) and turned an 8. I need to find that guy again when I'm ready to play 5/10 regularly. Anyway, I think I've realized that I just need to cut alcohol out of my life completely. There really is no need for me to drink and it just causes problems for me. I'm pretty upset at myself, not really because of the money because I think that I would have lost most of that last night had I been playing sober cuz I was just running so badly. But Ive made a commitment to not play drunk and it really shouldn't be a hard thing to do. I'm going to stop drinking. Wish me luck.
It's not like when Im drunk I just play out of my mind or do these crazy things (usually) and just mindlessly donk off money. It's more that if things aren't going well I tilt easily and play real fast without much thought to the hand or past history, etc. The damage wasn't too bad, but it was a couple thousand dollar setback and that annoys me. Some of the hands really were gross though and I ran very poorly. I played a guy 5/10 HU on UB and some of the shit he was hitting was amazing. I flopped two pair on an A high flop, he called me down with a bare pair of 4's (he had 44) and hit a running flush. Then he called a big c/r on the flop with a bare pair of 8's (he had 88) and turned an 8. I need to find that guy again when I'm ready to play 5/10 regularly. Anyway, I think I've realized that I just need to cut alcohol out of my life completely. There really is no need for me to drink and it just causes problems for me. I'm pretty upset at myself, not really because of the money because I think that I would have lost most of that last night had I been playing sober cuz I was just running so badly. But Ive made a commitment to not play drunk and it really shouldn't be a hard thing to do. I'm going to stop drinking. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Life Tilt
I didn't play any poker today, mostly because my internet connection was fading in and out, so I didn't wanna chance getting in the middle of a huge hand and my connection going down. I've decided that every once in awhile I'll do a "Life Tilt" blog about things that are pissing me off whether poker related or not.
My current state of life tilt is focused on the movie Ghost Rider. I rented it tonight and couldn't believe how awful this movie was. This movie is about as worthless as foot fetish porn. Im pretty sure a 13 year old wrote this script. The movie already has Eva Mendes and it's pretty hard to fuck up a movie with her in it, but to make things worse the concept itself is off the charts awesome. The dude makes a pact with the devil and rides around all night on fire pimpin' a sick ass chopper fighting demons with a flaming chain from hell. How in the hell does someone fuck this up? There are more corny one liners than a Schwarzenegger movie. In once scene, Ghost Rider busts out of jail (he got caught by the cops in human form) and a cop chases him out of the station and hits him in the back with his club. Ghost Rider turns around and puts his finger up and goes, "uh uh uhhhh". Pathetic. They seriously couldn't think of anything better for him to say? Also, this movie features the guy from Road House who played Patrick Swayze's awesome bouncer buddy (evidently 60 year old dudes that weigh 140 lbs kick a lot of ass). It's amazing to me this guy isn't dead yet. He looked near death in the 80's but is somehow still playing the role of a badass at the age of 91. The one thing this movie had going for it was the phenomenal special effects. They really owned hard in that department. Other than that this shit is unwatchable and that pisses me off. Fuck this movie. Im so tilted.
My current state of life tilt is focused on the movie Ghost Rider. I rented it tonight and couldn't believe how awful this movie was. This movie is about as worthless as foot fetish porn. Im pretty sure a 13 year old wrote this script. The movie already has Eva Mendes and it's pretty hard to fuck up a movie with her in it, but to make things worse the concept itself is off the charts awesome. The dude makes a pact with the devil and rides around all night on fire pimpin' a sick ass chopper fighting demons with a flaming chain from hell. How in the hell does someone fuck this up? There are more corny one liners than a Schwarzenegger movie. In once scene, Ghost Rider busts out of jail (he got caught by the cops in human form) and a cop chases him out of the station and hits him in the back with his club. Ghost Rider turns around and puts his finger up and goes, "uh uh uhhhh". Pathetic. They seriously couldn't think of anything better for him to say? Also, this movie features the guy from Road House who played Patrick Swayze's awesome bouncer buddy (evidently 60 year old dudes that weigh 140 lbs kick a lot of ass). It's amazing to me this guy isn't dead yet. He looked near death in the 80's but is somehow still playing the role of a badass at the age of 91. The one thing this movie had going for it was the phenomenal special effects. They really owned hard in that department. Other than that this shit is unwatchable and that pisses me off. Fuck this movie. Im so tilted.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I Hate Live Poker
I think I'm starting to come to the realization that the live games around here are really a waste of time. I remember talking to Kevin (Lucko) when I first started going and he told me he would never go to games like that because they're probably rigged. All the guys there are really awesome and a lot of fun to play with, but is it possible they're ripping me off? I honestly couldn't say a definite no, which didn't bother me before, but is starting to bother me.
I ended down $1,000 tonight at the 5/10 game. It really does seem odd to me though how badly people play and how consistently they get bailed out. I came home after the live game and won $1,600 online in a few hours against much better players. There are a number of things this could be. Online you see more hands allowing variance to even out quicker, the players are better, which means they are less likely to chase trash and make really spewy plays, etc. But I've been playing these games for a number of months now and I'm a significant loser in them. I hardly ever walk away with a win. Contrast this to Las Vegas where I have never walked away a loser and in fact have crushed the cash games out there. It is all just getting a bit too fishy for me. Is it possible Im just running bad? Of course. And that is more than likely the case. But there is doubt in my mind and that makes me a bit uncomfortable. A few hands that I've lost really couldn't have been written better in novel form for my opponents.
Moving on though, I pretty much crushed FTP tonight. I played HU and 6 max 2/4 just 2 tabling and focusing. I know that a lot of players like to play 6-8 tables at once and that really used to be me, but I have found that focusing on one or two tables has significantly improved my play. I just see so many things that others that are playing a lot of tables may miss. I get away with a lot of bluff raises and very thin value bets simply because I'm paying attention to everything going on while my opponents may not. I'm currently running at 17BB/100 at 2/4 HU. Im not really sure if that's great or anything since I don't have any numbers to compare this to, but I suspect winning $136 every 100 hands HU at 2/4 is pretty damn good. I ended the night on a very sour note. I had about 3K on one table and was playing a guy with a full buyin. He was a good player and the game was incredibly aggressive. We got AI prf me with QQ and him with AA. I immediately left after this hand as it is very easy to tilt after a cooler like that. One thing I have improved 100 fold in my game is the mental aspect. I don't play drunk anymore and I really feel no tilt at all because I leave when I feel my play deteriorating. I don't play when Im tired or don't feel like it. Back in the day I used to log in and just auto-pilot to "get hands in". Im fully convinced I can make more money playing 100% my best on a few tables rather than 50% at 6 tables and my results are proving this. Well, it's 7AM and I just finished a long session, so Im gonna head to bed. Good luck at the tables.
I ended down $1,000 tonight at the 5/10 game. It really does seem odd to me though how badly people play and how consistently they get bailed out. I came home after the live game and won $1,600 online in a few hours against much better players. There are a number of things this could be. Online you see more hands allowing variance to even out quicker, the players are better, which means they are less likely to chase trash and make really spewy plays, etc. But I've been playing these games for a number of months now and I'm a significant loser in them. I hardly ever walk away with a win. Contrast this to Las Vegas where I have never walked away a loser and in fact have crushed the cash games out there. It is all just getting a bit too fishy for me. Is it possible Im just running bad? Of course. And that is more than likely the case. But there is doubt in my mind and that makes me a bit uncomfortable. A few hands that I've lost really couldn't have been written better in novel form for my opponents.
Moving on though, I pretty much crushed FTP tonight. I played HU and 6 max 2/4 just 2 tabling and focusing. I know that a lot of players like to play 6-8 tables at once and that really used to be me, but I have found that focusing on one or two tables has significantly improved my play. I just see so many things that others that are playing a lot of tables may miss. I get away with a lot of bluff raises and very thin value bets simply because I'm paying attention to everything going on while my opponents may not. I'm currently running at 17BB/100 at 2/4 HU. Im not really sure if that's great or anything since I don't have any numbers to compare this to, but I suspect winning $136 every 100 hands HU at 2/4 is pretty damn good. I ended the night on a very sour note. I had about 3K on one table and was playing a guy with a full buyin. He was a good player and the game was incredibly aggressive. We got AI prf me with QQ and him with AA. I immediately left after this hand as it is very easy to tilt after a cooler like that. One thing I have improved 100 fold in my game is the mental aspect. I don't play drunk anymore and I really feel no tilt at all because I leave when I feel my play deteriorating. I don't play when Im tired or don't feel like it. Back in the day I used to log in and just auto-pilot to "get hands in". Im fully convinced I can make more money playing 100% my best on a few tables rather than 50% at 6 tables and my results are proving this. Well, it's 7AM and I just finished a long session, so Im gonna head to bed. Good luck at the tables.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Story Time
I woke up abrubtly this morning. I have been doing that the past few mornings for some reason. After 7 hours or so of sleeping my body will just wake up and I can't go back to sleep. For my blog entry today, I decided that I wanted to share a story with you that hopefully you will find interesting.
Let me start off by saying that this story is incredibly personal to me and something that I'm not proud of in any way, shape or form. Not many people know about this actually, but I am making a choice to make this public in some respects because I am fully determined to never let it happen again.
As many of you know, I am not a compulsive gambler at all. I don't really like to play table games like craps, roulette or anything of the sort. I'll play the occasional couple hours of blackjack while in Vegas, but it's never anything more than $300-$400 or so and I never play online.
We'll start about a year ago, when I was playing 5/10 and 10/20 NL (mostly 5/10) on Party Poker everynight for my living and had been for awhile. I had been doing very well in the games and was averaging a couple buyins per session. During this time I struggled with what I would call a moderate form of alcohol addiction. I was drinking probably 6 nights per week on average and I wasn't having just 1 or 2 drinks, I was downing 2 bottles of wine and a few beers, or an assortment of liquor and beer. It got to the point where I wouldn't play unless I was a bit drunk. At this point in time I actually thought the alcohol improved my game, so being convinced of the fact I would only play drunk. This continued for months on end and had my family very concerned about me. It got to the point where if I was awake, there was a good chance I was either drinking or planning on drinking in the near future.
Fast forward to December, about 8-10 months or so after my alcohol addiction had become something I came to accept and live with. I started playing more tournaments and went on an insane rush. In 3 weeks time, I finished 3rd in a UBOC event, won the 100r on stars nearly twice (finished 2nd once), won the 50r twice, won a $100 freezeout on stars, won a $100 freezeout on UB, won the 100r on UB, and had a myriad of final tables and great finishes in some very tough events. In less than a month's time I was up almost $80,000, by far my best poker month ever. It was at this time I decided it was time to move up in stakes and play 25/50 full time with my newfound riches. Unfortunately, I was still drinking 6-7 nights per week and this would not change. I did alright when I first started out. The games were definitely a bit different than I was used to, but I was determined to beat these games as badly as I was beating the 5/10 games I was accustomed to. I was up and down at first, but after a week or so was up a little bit and feeling good about the situation being careful to not play any of the bigger name players at those stakes just yet.
December 30th, 2006 turned out to be a day that I will never forget. It was the night of a big UFC event. I bought a huge bottle of Absolut for myself and had already decided that I was just going to take the night off and enjoy myself with my wife and watch the fights. I started drinking about an hour or two before the fights started and was already a bit drunk when they began. Just to pass time during the smaller events, I fired up Stars and was one tabling 5/10, more to just give me something to do. After 4 hours of drinking or so, I found myself multitabling the 25/50 cash games. I was drinking vodka and red bull and as the night wore on it turned into a lot less red bull and a lot more vodka. I don't remember exactly how the night went and honestly don't remember who was even fighting that night. But what I do remember is that I lost $30,000 that night, by far my biggest losing day in poker. I woke up the next day beside myself and couldn't believe what had happened. I checked the bottle of Absolut and it was almost gone. I had singlehandedly drank the whole bottle by myself in 8 hours time.
At this point I vowed to never drink while playing again, but it was too late. I had been building terrible habits for the past year and even though every part of me wanted to stop drinking, I simply couldn't play without it. Instead of being smart and dropping down limits to get my losses back, I kept playing any high stakes game I could find and continued chasing my losses. I also continued drinking when I played. I would love to tell you that I battled back and won back my money and then some crushing all opposition in my path, but unfortunately this is real life and the players I was up against were a different caliber than I was used to. It was going to be tough to beat these guys when I was sober and in my right mind, let alone sitting there hammered and spewing EV all over the place. By the end of January I was down nearly $80,000, which was basically all of my tournament wins from the month before. Those tourneys were not easy and I put in a lot of hard work to get those scores. Looking back at the past 2 months it was amazing my change in attitude. In December, I was probably the most confident poker player on the face of the planet. I was quite certain I could play anyone and win and I think during that month I wouldn't have been far off. Everything was clicking for me. I was playing excellent poker and had supreme confidence in my game. At the end of January I was a different person. I went from feeling on top of the world to sinking into a state of depression that would last for a long time.
For the next couple months, I tried to get back into tournaments and my usual stakes cash games, but I could never shake the memory of that one month period no matter how hard I tried. It was in the back of my mind at all times and it affected my play to the point where I was scared money at any table I was at. Couple this with the fact that Neteller, where I had many thousands of dollars, had just shut down to US customers and I didn't know if I would ever see that money again. Whenever I played, all I could think about was somehow getting myself out of this 100K+ hole I felt I was in. I was just playing to gamble and wasn't playing any sort of good poker at all. I even continued to drink to just numb the depression and pain I felt every time I was sober.
During my lowest point, my wife and I had pretty much given up on the marriage and I had been planning on moving out at some point in the near future. Looking back on those times, I was doing a lot of blame-shifting as to the real problems that I had and was blaming her for everything. Your mind works in weird ways when you have a huge problem and want to rationalize it to yourself. I kept telling myself everything was fine, but when I look back at myself during that time I cannot believe that I was blaming anyone else for my own problems. It was blatantly obvious that I was the one who was causing most of the stress in our marriage and I regret that very much. My addiction to alcohol almost led to me losing first and foremost my family and very distantly second, my job, friends and mental health.
It took a long time, but today I feel like I am a new person. I have kicked my addiction to alcohol with the help of my family and don't drink even close to what I used to. 98% of my play is done without the use of alcohol and my primary goal is to get that number to 100%. The only time I drink and play is when I play live 1/2 with my friends. Although I am not addicted to alcohol anymore, I am not foolish enough to think that it couldn't happen again and have taken steps to assure that it won't. In my fridge right now I have 3 beers total and I never keep liquor in the house. If I am planning on drinking on a certain night, I buy just what I think I'll need. Part of my problem before was that I would "stock up" on my alcohol, and once I started drinking I usually could go on as long as I wanted with an endless supply of booze on hand. If I had a friend over today, we would run out of booze in 15 minutes. That's the way I want it. I don't want to go back to that lifestyle. I don't want to wake up in the morning feeling that anything I do that day is meaningless and I certainly don't want to put my wife, my son and my soon to be 2nd son in a position where their father is a raging alcoholic.
Part of the reason I wrote this is because I really haven't talked much about it since it happened and honestly, it feels good to get this all written down. I also want to keep myself accountable so that this never happens again. I don't think I was ever to the point where I was what you would consider a severe form of alcoholism, but I was definitely leaning in that direction with no sign of slowing.
Today, I feel like I have a new direction, both in life and in poker and it's good to have momentum in the right direction for a change. I am grinding lower limits now and have very good results so far and am overall a better player than I ever was before. It's not going to be easy, but I am committed to improving not only my play at the tables, but also my overall lifestyle. I am confident that with hard work I can achieve whatever goals I have set for myself. Right now, my goals are to just play good poker, with little thought for the money, which was my sole focus for so long. I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. For those of you suffering from any form of alcohol addiction, I really urge you to get ahold of it before it's too late. You may not blow through a lot of money like me, but it will deteriorate your overall lifestyle and your relationships to those close to you at the very least. Good luck at the tables.
Let me start off by saying that this story is incredibly personal to me and something that I'm not proud of in any way, shape or form. Not many people know about this actually, but I am making a choice to make this public in some respects because I am fully determined to never let it happen again.
As many of you know, I am not a compulsive gambler at all. I don't really like to play table games like craps, roulette or anything of the sort. I'll play the occasional couple hours of blackjack while in Vegas, but it's never anything more than $300-$400 or so and I never play online.
We'll start about a year ago, when I was playing 5/10 and 10/20 NL (mostly 5/10) on Party Poker everynight for my living and had been for awhile. I had been doing very well in the games and was averaging a couple buyins per session. During this time I struggled with what I would call a moderate form of alcohol addiction. I was drinking probably 6 nights per week on average and I wasn't having just 1 or 2 drinks, I was downing 2 bottles of wine and a few beers, or an assortment of liquor and beer. It got to the point where I wouldn't play unless I was a bit drunk. At this point in time I actually thought the alcohol improved my game, so being convinced of the fact I would only play drunk. This continued for months on end and had my family very concerned about me. It got to the point where if I was awake, there was a good chance I was either drinking or planning on drinking in the near future.
Fast forward to December, about 8-10 months or so after my alcohol addiction had become something I came to accept and live with. I started playing more tournaments and went on an insane rush. In 3 weeks time, I finished 3rd in a UBOC event, won the 100r on stars nearly twice (finished 2nd once), won the 50r twice, won a $100 freezeout on stars, won a $100 freezeout on UB, won the 100r on UB, and had a myriad of final tables and great finishes in some very tough events. In less than a month's time I was up almost $80,000, by far my best poker month ever. It was at this time I decided it was time to move up in stakes and play 25/50 full time with my newfound riches. Unfortunately, I was still drinking 6-7 nights per week and this would not change. I did alright when I first started out. The games were definitely a bit different than I was used to, but I was determined to beat these games as badly as I was beating the 5/10 games I was accustomed to. I was up and down at first, but after a week or so was up a little bit and feeling good about the situation being careful to not play any of the bigger name players at those stakes just yet.
December 30th, 2006 turned out to be a day that I will never forget. It was the night of a big UFC event. I bought a huge bottle of Absolut for myself and had already decided that I was just going to take the night off and enjoy myself with my wife and watch the fights. I started drinking about an hour or two before the fights started and was already a bit drunk when they began. Just to pass time during the smaller events, I fired up Stars and was one tabling 5/10, more to just give me something to do. After 4 hours of drinking or so, I found myself multitabling the 25/50 cash games. I was drinking vodka and red bull and as the night wore on it turned into a lot less red bull and a lot more vodka. I don't remember exactly how the night went and honestly don't remember who was even fighting that night. But what I do remember is that I lost $30,000 that night, by far my biggest losing day in poker. I woke up the next day beside myself and couldn't believe what had happened. I checked the bottle of Absolut and it was almost gone. I had singlehandedly drank the whole bottle by myself in 8 hours time.
At this point I vowed to never drink while playing again, but it was too late. I had been building terrible habits for the past year and even though every part of me wanted to stop drinking, I simply couldn't play without it. Instead of being smart and dropping down limits to get my losses back, I kept playing any high stakes game I could find and continued chasing my losses. I also continued drinking when I played. I would love to tell you that I battled back and won back my money and then some crushing all opposition in my path, but unfortunately this is real life and the players I was up against were a different caliber than I was used to. It was going to be tough to beat these guys when I was sober and in my right mind, let alone sitting there hammered and spewing EV all over the place. By the end of January I was down nearly $80,000, which was basically all of my tournament wins from the month before. Those tourneys were not easy and I put in a lot of hard work to get those scores. Looking back at the past 2 months it was amazing my change in attitude. In December, I was probably the most confident poker player on the face of the planet. I was quite certain I could play anyone and win and I think during that month I wouldn't have been far off. Everything was clicking for me. I was playing excellent poker and had supreme confidence in my game. At the end of January I was a different person. I went from feeling on top of the world to sinking into a state of depression that would last for a long time.
For the next couple months, I tried to get back into tournaments and my usual stakes cash games, but I could never shake the memory of that one month period no matter how hard I tried. It was in the back of my mind at all times and it affected my play to the point where I was scared money at any table I was at. Couple this with the fact that Neteller, where I had many thousands of dollars, had just shut down to US customers and I didn't know if I would ever see that money again. Whenever I played, all I could think about was somehow getting myself out of this 100K+ hole I felt I was in. I was just playing to gamble and wasn't playing any sort of good poker at all. I even continued to drink to just numb the depression and pain I felt every time I was sober.
During my lowest point, my wife and I had pretty much given up on the marriage and I had been planning on moving out at some point in the near future. Looking back on those times, I was doing a lot of blame-shifting as to the real problems that I had and was blaming her for everything. Your mind works in weird ways when you have a huge problem and want to rationalize it to yourself. I kept telling myself everything was fine, but when I look back at myself during that time I cannot believe that I was blaming anyone else for my own problems. It was blatantly obvious that I was the one who was causing most of the stress in our marriage and I regret that very much. My addiction to alcohol almost led to me losing first and foremost my family and very distantly second, my job, friends and mental health.
It took a long time, but today I feel like I am a new person. I have kicked my addiction to alcohol with the help of my family and don't drink even close to what I used to. 98% of my play is done without the use of alcohol and my primary goal is to get that number to 100%. The only time I drink and play is when I play live 1/2 with my friends. Although I am not addicted to alcohol anymore, I am not foolish enough to think that it couldn't happen again and have taken steps to assure that it won't. In my fridge right now I have 3 beers total and I never keep liquor in the house. If I am planning on drinking on a certain night, I buy just what I think I'll need. Part of my problem before was that I would "stock up" on my alcohol, and once I started drinking I usually could go on as long as I wanted with an endless supply of booze on hand. If I had a friend over today, we would run out of booze in 15 minutes. That's the way I want it. I don't want to go back to that lifestyle. I don't want to wake up in the morning feeling that anything I do that day is meaningless and I certainly don't want to put my wife, my son and my soon to be 2nd son in a position where their father is a raging alcoholic.
Part of the reason I wrote this is because I really haven't talked much about it since it happened and honestly, it feels good to get this all written down. I also want to keep myself accountable so that this never happens again. I don't think I was ever to the point where I was what you would consider a severe form of alcoholism, but I was definitely leaning in that direction with no sign of slowing.
Today, I feel like I have a new direction, both in life and in poker and it's good to have momentum in the right direction for a change. I am grinding lower limits now and have very good results so far and am overall a better player than I ever was before. It's not going to be easy, but I am committed to improving not only my play at the tables, but also my overall lifestyle. I am confident that with hard work I can achieve whatever goals I have set for myself. Right now, my goals are to just play good poker, with little thought for the money, which was my sole focus for so long. I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. For those of you suffering from any form of alcohol addiction, I really urge you to get ahold of it before it's too late. You may not blow through a lot of money like me, but it will deteriorate your overall lifestyle and your relationships to those close to you at the very least. Good luck at the tables.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tough Session
Played a 4 hour session today, some on FTP and some on Absolute. The FTP games in the afternoon are just terrible. Everyone at the table is running at 20/15. Basically just a bunch of nits. Unfortunately for me I didn't really realize this fully until I dropped 2 buyins. I decided to high tail it out of there and check out Absolute. This site has never failed me. No matter what time of day I've played there, it's always the same. Super weak tables full of limp/callers/folders who let you run them over, don't bet their big hands, and just overall play terrible poker.
I ended up breaking even at Absolute due to a few hands where I couldn't really get away. Oh well, it happens. I was extremely pleased with my play today and have really been focusing lately on keeping my emotions in check and just worrying about making the best possible play available to me at the time.
I wanted to share two hands that I thought were interesting, one of which I thought I played very well and one of which I think I should have gotten away.
The first one is on FTP and goes like this:
A decent player raises UTG to $14. I am right behind him and make it $45 with two red queens. We both have a full buyin with him covering slightly (2/4 NL so $400). It folds back to him and he pretty quickly makes it $140 or so. Well now...with my image at the table being pretty active, I decided that I could very well be ahead here, but if I shove him back then Im really kind of forcing him to have KK or AA to call. I decided to call and see a flop before getting my money in. The flop comes J rag rag all clubs. He insta shoves into me. Sigh...now I have half my stack in, an OP and am getting about 2:1 on my money to call. My first reaction to this was to fold, but I decided at the last minute that he could easily be doing this with a couple combos of AK where he has the K or A of clubs, which would mean that this was an easy call against that hand. Thinking back though, the prf 4 bet from a nit and then an insta shove really narrows down his range here. First off, Im pretty sure his prf 4 betting range from UTG is going to be TT+ and AK. When he auto shoves the flop, TT is basically out (altho there is a small chance of course), JJ is now ahead, KK and AA crush me and Im racing against the A or K of clubs and two overs. I also have no club in my hand for backup in case he does have something like two red kings and just wants the action over with. I think that taking this all into consideration, this was probably a fold even though I was getting decent odds and had pretty good equity. Oh well. It definitely wasn't a terrible play per se, but I think that I should be getting away in spots like that.
The second hand I wanted to share was on Absolute and I thought my play here was awesome.
STAGE #718221580: HOLDEM NO LIMIT $4 - 2007-07-26 16:59:57 (ET)
Table: FRIENDSHIP LN (Real Money) Seat #4 is the dealer
Seat 4 - I_PLAY_GOOD ($830.40 in chips)
Seat 5 - CUBBIEBLUE10 ($998 in chips)
Seat 1 - THEPLAYA13 ($626 in chips)
Seat 2 - EBISCO05 ($341.80 in chips)
Seat 3 - DOMA911 ($184.30 in chips)
CUBBIEBLUE10 - Posts small blind $2 THEPLAYA13 - Posts big blind $4
*** POCKET CARDS ***Dealt to I_PLAY_GOOD [Kc 8c]
EBISCO05 - Calls $4
DOMA911 - Folds
I_PLAY_GOOD - Raises $16 to $16
CUBBIEBLUE10 - Folds
THEPLAYA13 - Folds
EBISCO05 - Calls $12
*** FLOP *** [8d 6d 6c]
EBISCO05 - Bets $32
I_PLAY_GOOD - Raises $95 to $95
EBISCO05 - Raises $158 to $190
I_PLAY_GOOD - Calls $95
*** TURN *** [8d 6d 6c] [5h]
EBISCO05 - All-In $135.80
I_PLAY_GOOD - Calls $135.80
*** RIVER *** [8d 6d 6c 5h] [6s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***EBISCO05 - Shows [5d 5s] (Full house, sixes full of fives) I_PLAY_GOOD - Shows [Kc 8c] (Full house, sixes full of eights)
I_PLAY_GOOD Collects $686.10 from main pot
Now, this hand may look a bit nuts at first, but let me explain my train of thought here. First off, I am a limper raising fool. I just love doing it. It's so +EV long run and creates this insane image where people never give you credit for anything. I had raised this guy at least 10 times already and he had been folding every single time. He had just doubled up (was short stacking) and the last 3 times or so, he had called my prf raise and led out on the flop, evidently sick of my raising. I had just folded to this the first two times, but now I hit what I thought to be the best hand. A lot of times I may elect to call here, because it is certainly not out of the realm of possibility for him to be sitting on a 6 here. But in this situation, I was really convinced that I had the best hand and that he may make a move on me if I raise him. I also didn't want something like an A, K, Q or J to fall to kill the action. When he comes back over the top of my raise, I was really putting him on a range of like top pair weaker kicker, 77 or 55 with the small possibility of a junk hand like 68, 65, or a FD. I was pretty sure from watching him play that he would never limp call 99+ so I pretty much dismissed those from my mind. On the flop, I decide to call here after thinking for my whole timebank. My thought here was that if I shove, I think I would fold out something like 55 or 77, but I didn't think I would fold out an 8 and I certainly didn't think I would fold out a 6 or a FD. Based on this, I decided that the highest +EV play was to call here and let him shove the turn into a huge pot, or if the turn bricked, let him check, I shove and then have him try to make a hero call for the rest of his smallish stack into a gigantic pot. (let me make it clear that I was not planning on folding no matter the turn, but I mentioned the turn bricking from his standpoint) I think that this play maximizes my win long term much moreso than shoving the flop. He actually sucked out on the turn and had pretty much exactly the sort of hand I thought he had, but fortunately I ran good on the river and hit a higher FH.
So that pretty much sums up my session for the most part. Started off my session getting coolered a bit with the QQ and then I turned a FH on Absolute which gave my opponent a higher FH. I actually had the discipline in that one to just call on the river because he played it so obviously. I'm telling you guys, if you aren't playing on Absolute you really are making a mistake IMO. It's like the new age Party Poker. Overall, I actually think Im playing the best poker of my life right now and am very excited about what's to come this year. I plan on huge things by the time December is here.
I ended up breaking even at Absolute due to a few hands where I couldn't really get away. Oh well, it happens. I was extremely pleased with my play today and have really been focusing lately on keeping my emotions in check and just worrying about making the best possible play available to me at the time.
I wanted to share two hands that I thought were interesting, one of which I thought I played very well and one of which I think I should have gotten away.
The first one is on FTP and goes like this:
A decent player raises UTG to $14. I am right behind him and make it $45 with two red queens. We both have a full buyin with him covering slightly (2/4 NL so $400). It folds back to him and he pretty quickly makes it $140 or so. Well now...with my image at the table being pretty active, I decided that I could very well be ahead here, but if I shove him back then Im really kind of forcing him to have KK or AA to call. I decided to call and see a flop before getting my money in. The flop comes J rag rag all clubs. He insta shoves into me. Sigh...now I have half my stack in, an OP and am getting about 2:1 on my money to call. My first reaction to this was to fold, but I decided at the last minute that he could easily be doing this with a couple combos of AK where he has the K or A of clubs, which would mean that this was an easy call against that hand. Thinking back though, the prf 4 bet from a nit and then an insta shove really narrows down his range here. First off, Im pretty sure his prf 4 betting range from UTG is going to be TT+ and AK. When he auto shoves the flop, TT is basically out (altho there is a small chance of course), JJ is now ahead, KK and AA crush me and Im racing against the A or K of clubs and two overs. I also have no club in my hand for backup in case he does have something like two red kings and just wants the action over with. I think that taking this all into consideration, this was probably a fold even though I was getting decent odds and had pretty good equity. Oh well. It definitely wasn't a terrible play per se, but I think that I should be getting away in spots like that.
The second hand I wanted to share was on Absolute and I thought my play here was awesome.
STAGE #718221580: HOLDEM NO LIMIT $4 - 2007-07-26 16:59:57 (ET)
Table: FRIENDSHIP LN (Real Money) Seat #4 is the dealer
Seat 4 - I_PLAY_GOOD ($830.40 in chips)
Seat 5 - CUBBIEBLUE10 ($998 in chips)
Seat 1 - THEPLAYA13 ($626 in chips)
Seat 2 - EBISCO05 ($341.80 in chips)
Seat 3 - DOMA911 ($184.30 in chips)
CUBBIEBLUE10 - Posts small blind $2 THEPLAYA13 - Posts big blind $4
*** POCKET CARDS ***Dealt to I_PLAY_GOOD [Kc 8c]
EBISCO05 - Calls $4
DOMA911 - Folds
I_PLAY_GOOD - Raises $16 to $16
CUBBIEBLUE10 - Folds
THEPLAYA13 - Folds
EBISCO05 - Calls $12
*** FLOP *** [8d 6d 6c]
EBISCO05 - Bets $32
I_PLAY_GOOD - Raises $95 to $95
EBISCO05 - Raises $158 to $190
I_PLAY_GOOD - Calls $95
*** TURN *** [8d 6d 6c] [5h]
EBISCO05 - All-In $135.80
I_PLAY_GOOD - Calls $135.80
*** RIVER *** [8d 6d 6c 5h] [6s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***EBISCO05 - Shows [5d 5s] (Full house, sixes full of fives) I_PLAY_GOOD - Shows [Kc 8c] (Full house, sixes full of eights)
I_PLAY_GOOD Collects $686.10 from main pot
Now, this hand may look a bit nuts at first, but let me explain my train of thought here. First off, I am a limper raising fool. I just love doing it. It's so +EV long run and creates this insane image where people never give you credit for anything. I had raised this guy at least 10 times already and he had been folding every single time. He had just doubled up (was short stacking) and the last 3 times or so, he had called my prf raise and led out on the flop, evidently sick of my raising. I had just folded to this the first two times, but now I hit what I thought to be the best hand. A lot of times I may elect to call here, because it is certainly not out of the realm of possibility for him to be sitting on a 6 here. But in this situation, I was really convinced that I had the best hand and that he may make a move on me if I raise him. I also didn't want something like an A, K, Q or J to fall to kill the action. When he comes back over the top of my raise, I was really putting him on a range of like top pair weaker kicker, 77 or 55 with the small possibility of a junk hand like 68, 65, or a FD. I was pretty sure from watching him play that he would never limp call 99+ so I pretty much dismissed those from my mind. On the flop, I decide to call here after thinking for my whole timebank. My thought here was that if I shove, I think I would fold out something like 55 or 77, but I didn't think I would fold out an 8 and I certainly didn't think I would fold out a 6 or a FD. Based on this, I decided that the highest +EV play was to call here and let him shove the turn into a huge pot, or if the turn bricked, let him check, I shove and then have him try to make a hero call for the rest of his smallish stack into a gigantic pot. (let me make it clear that I was not planning on folding no matter the turn, but I mentioned the turn bricking from his standpoint) I think that this play maximizes my win long term much moreso than shoving the flop. He actually sucked out on the turn and had pretty much exactly the sort of hand I thought he had, but fortunately I ran good on the river and hit a higher FH.
So that pretty much sums up my session for the most part. Started off my session getting coolered a bit with the QQ and then I turned a FH on Absolute which gave my opponent a higher FH. I actually had the discipline in that one to just call on the river because he played it so obviously. I'm telling you guys, if you aren't playing on Absolute you really are making a mistake IMO. It's like the new age Party Poker. Overall, I actually think Im playing the best poker of my life right now and am very excited about what's to come this year. I plan on huge things by the time December is here.
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